The Creation of a New Me

Reflecting on the the past was actually a difficult and time-consuming task, although it definitely does help to look back. However, I think there should be a limit to how much one looks back because reviewing the past takes your gaze away from the present and the future. What fun is it to always be looking back, when there is so much more in front of you? I took the break from reflecting on my years at UCI since I wanted to be able to process it all and not just write down whatever I did throughout my past four years for my future self's sake. Of course, the past posts are filled with my personal thoughts and perspectives, but I think that I spent a lot of time looking backward when I should have been looking onward.

Nowadays, there is always a lot going on. Even though the events of today make it seem like we do much less than if the stay-at-home restrictions were lifted, work is still work and progress is still progress. It seems to everyone else that there is nothing to do, always stuck at home doing the tedious and menial labor and activities. But, I don't think that's the case at all. Everyone always has something to do, and for me particularly, I think these orders to stay-at-home are meant for us to look at the things we have always been so busy for. For instance, I believe it forces everyone to take a look at ourselves. With COVID and the protests/fight for justice/political unrest/civil unrest going on, it kind of makes me think of what my position is. My position, not only on what I think of the protests and the events of today, but my position on myself as a human being, as a fresh graduate, as a musician, and as a soon-to-be working professional. I spent a lot of time contemplating various ideas, like what aspect of business do I want to pursue, with what company will I pursue it, what should I do with my instruments/singing, and if I am physically fit enough. I noticed that with self reflection, I see impurities within myself that I never got to fully comprehend, and now I've been asking myself the tougher questions such as:

What can I do to approve of myself physically?

What can I do to approve of myself mentally?

What can I do to approve of myself professionally?

What am I lacking? How can I get to a place where I don't just see my imperfections?

Of course, most of the days I have are filled with positive vibes and looking at the brighter side to the day. But, when it comes down to it, I know I could work on myself a little more. I'm not perfect, and I acknowledge that. I just want to work hard everyday at those aspects of my life that I find lacking, and with consistency comes results. I've always taken notice of the notion that change in one's self doesn't happen overnight. It's cultivated over time as long as there's constant progress. It's like losing weight. You won't see the fit version of you after one workout, but after a period of dedication to working out, you'll see that the number dropped a significant amount and you wonder "When did this happen?". I think the same applies to changes in mindset and in lifestyle. I'm glad to see a purpose and a goal throughout these gloomy times, which is to acknowledge and improve upon my flaws and weaknesses. I hope that I am able to slowly work at these throughout quarantine, so that I may emerge from this situation better and reformed.